Tuesday, April 24, 2012

What men want in a relationship

Written By: Freddiek70

There are a great number of articles out there about how women wished to be treated by men, but not so many articles about how men wish to be treated by women...

This is a general view and not a specific view so if you feel offended by elements in this article, that is not my intention. Please read it for its purpose and not as a personal slight towards women.

There is a great difference between what each sex thinks the opposite sex wants from them, and what the opposite sex really does want. What women think men want from them causes women to have resentment and anger toward men, and feel hopeless about ever developing a wonderful, warm, romantic partnership. What men think women want from them causes them much of the same feelings and frustration.

The thing is that we would realize that both men and women are human beings first and pretty much want the same thing.

1. Men want honest, timely, loving communication
Honest communication is top priority for men. They want a woman who answers questions honestly, and perhaps even volunteers information. They want a woman who confidently asks for her wants and needs to be met. They want a woman who can see the truth and tell it like it is while communicating with kindness. Men want a woman who can communicate without being too critical, who cares about preserving his and her dignity.
It can be extremely frustrating for men if left to decode what a woman is communicating.

Women think men want them to be superficial, to keep quiet about their needs or wants, and never to ask for anything. Women think men believe them to be too needy and too sensitive, and that men simply want women to get over it. Some women believe they do not have the permission to tell it like it is, that they will be rejected for speaking up.

A tip for women: Men want and need straightforward, courageous communication without anger or criticism. One way to attract a man and build a satisfying relationship is to learn how to communicate your truth and needs effectively.

2. Men want self-sufficient, secure, confident women.
Men want a woman to choose them out of want rather than out of desperation — either materially or emotionally. Men need to be wanted and needed by their partners, but they want their partners to have a separate identity. Men want a woman to be active and independent, to have her own friends and interests.

On the other hand, men treasure time spent with a loving partner. Women think men don’t want women to need them. Women think men do not need or appreciate time spent together as a couple. Women believe that showing a man he is needed will turn him off and possibly make him run away.

A tip for women: Men want what women want — a whole partner. One powerful way to attract a man and build a vibrant relationship is to create a full, rewarding life for your own fulfillment.

3. Men want a manipulation-free relationship.

Men want no manipulation of any kind. They do not want to read their partner’s mind or try to interpret signals. They do not want to be forced to move faster in a relationship than they are ready. They do not want to be manipulated into taking all the blame for things gone wrong. They do not want to be on the receiving end of game playing.
Women think men want little or no communication, and the only way to get needs met is through manipulation. Women think men either need or want to be reminded that the relationship needs to move forward. Women think men don’t want or value praise and acknowledgment, and so tend to only verbalize criticism.

A tip for women: Men will not tolerate manipulation of any kind for any significant length of time. To attract a man and build a wonderful relationship learn to ask without hesitation for what you want and need in every area of your life. Learn to be aware of his timing and his time-line. Learn how to acknowledge and bestow praise.

4. Men want growth, personal responsibility, and ownership.

Men want a partner who can laugh at herself and who has courage and strength. They want a woman who can see her part in relationship dynamics and own it. She has to be emotionally stable. Men want a woman who is developing herself personally, and who takes responsibility for her emotional experience.

Women think men only want to have a good time. Women think men have no interest in developing and growing a relationship or developing and growing themselves. Women think men want women who are super models, and that they never consider whether a woman is emotionally mature, kind, supportive, or loving.

A tip for women: Men want women who are emotionally mature. Maturity does not mean lack of emotions. It does mean the ability to handle emotions responsibly. To attract a man and build a long-term relationship, learn to take responsibility for your emotional experience and expression.

5. Men want fidelity and a commitment to the relationship.

Fidelity is an absolute must. In fact, men want a woman who does not have a “roaming eye” and who can wholeheartedly commit to the relationship. Many may define commitment as fidelity plus the willingness to work on the relationship — even when the going gets tough.

Women think that all men want is sex, and that men will leave a relationship for the next prettier face. Women think men cannot be trusted to be faithful. Women believe men do not want to work on a relationship; that when the going gets tough, they run.

A tip for women: Here is great news for those women who are resigned to the myth that all men cheat: infidelity and “a roaming eye” are as distasteful to men as they are to women. Men know how to build a wonderful relationship, and they know fidelity is the main ingredient.
 
6. Men want women who know how men need to be treated.
Many women treat men in ways that diminish their egos, making them feel inadequate. Men would rather have more praise, more acknowledgment of what they do right, more acknowledgment that they are great guys who are loved and appreciated.

Women think men do not need them, do not value their opinion, their support, their praise. Women also think men do not care about many things important to women, which is why they criticize. Criticism is a way to verbalize resentment.

A tip for women: Most men want acknowledgment and appreciation from women. Learning to acknowledge instead of making your partner wrong is one of the most powerful relationship survival tools available to you.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Making Love Versus Having Sex

Written By: A-R-Norman

Eddie Murphy was once quoted as saying that there is no difference between the act of lovemaking and the act of sex. Since then, I have had men say to me, "You know, why are women so hung up on the whole sex and making love idea-it's the same thing?"

I'd say yes and no. The physical act is the same. The emotional act is what is different, and in my humble opinion, until someone actually makes love to another human being, they will always think that the two are similar.

There have been countless times in my marriage where my husband and I just enjoyed one another's body's, as well as times when we spiritually connected via intercourse. The soulful bonding wasn't something that happened instantaneously either.

When my husband and I first met, I was very afraid to get close and my walls were up. The sex between us was always amazing, but I constantly held a part of myself back.

One night, I started opening up about a lot of my fears and worries, after which he lovingly reassured me. We started kissing and soon, we engaged in what I would have to say is the first love making session I have ever had in my life. Many glorious orgasms were had by yours truly, to the point where I developed a head ache due to the intensity (I learned this is not all that uncommon.) I cried from the sheer pleasure of it-he wiped my tears-we kissed, touched, laughed-continued on.

Afterwards, we lay in the afterglow, talking and connecting on such a deep level, I don't think words will ever describe it.

That my dears, was not sex. That was love making.

I fear what the Eddie Murphy's of the world don't know, is that emotional connection is just as important as a physical one. If you can only connect with a person on a superficial level, than everything you do with a person will be superficial, including sex.

That is not to say that every second of ever moment is going to be angelic ecstasy.

My partner and I fight, get involved with work and projects, deal with kids and family and tackle the daily grind - we also grab the occasional, unromantic quickie or two.

What I am talking about is intimacy-the feeling you get when you look into the eyes of another person and know they see you, and you them.

Such a thing is a wondrous blessing that is perhaps not bestowed upon everyone. For this amazing butterfly to land on your hand, you have to first believe it exists, then be willing to receive it, palm up, without reservation.

Until such time, most will go on thinking that sex can only be a physical act, while those in the know will continue to enjoy the beauty that can be found in the arms of someone who truly and completely cherishes you.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

How to be in an open relationship

Written by: madmisskelly


The last thing this is is a lesson in promiscuity.

I am in no way convincing anyone to do this.

What this IS is a guide for those who are considering this. This is a guide so that YOU can maintain control and come out of these situations with your dignity and ego.

First of all, don't believe the “women are too emotional” stuff - not true. Women are perfectly capable of keeping a rational mind even in these situations and I will show you how.

None of this involves any game playing. There is no lying or deception. Contrary to popular belief, these situations need a bit of control for them to work for BOTH people and for NEITHER person to get hurt.

Phase 1: Prepare


1. Decide if this is really what you want. If you can never see yourself having one night stands or open relationships then this isn't for you or you may just not be ready for one and that is just fine.

2. Decide what you want. These situations are ideal when you plan to move within the year, you just got out of a relationship or you just want to play the field.

3. Decide from this point on that you won't take anything that happens personally. You don't take rejection to heart because you yourself will do quite a lot of rejecting.

4. Be prepared that you are going to have to view the opposite sex in a new light. Don't dehumanize them, because they still have feelings and emotions just like you. The key is to NOT be mean but to be blunt and view each guy as a goal.

Phase 2: Seek


1. Options are everywhere, not just bars. Think someone is cute? Talk to them, chat them up and get their number. You have NOTHING to lose because if they reject you, no problem - you've got options.

2. When you find a guy chat him up - light hearted stuff, things that you would talk to your classmate about- hence no “where do you see yourself in 5 years” type of questions.

3. It is best to not enter into these situations with guys that you would otherwise be in a relationship with because more than likely, you will fall for them. Ideal guys are ones that are almost right for you but there are just reasons why it could never work.

4. Once you've talked to the guy for a couple days one of two things will happen. The conversation of where you see the situation going will come up or it won't. If it does, that is when you be honest and say you don't want commitment. If it doesn't come up, bring it up in a non confrontational way. When you two are hanging out, just tell him “hey, just so you know, I'm not looking for anything serious but I really enjoy your company.” It gets the point across, you've been honest, and it keeps it light hearted which is what you want.

5. Have deal breakers. Just because you aren't looking to commit doesn't mean you have to be treated like crap. If you don't want to be called at midnight, say so. If you want him to plan ahead on when you two get together it is fair to ask. Its not necessary to have a conversation about your deal breakers but if you don't like what he is doing then say something.
6. I've found that having boundaries is helpful in keeping the situation in perspective. Personally, I advise against dates that don't immediately lead to a “goal.” Even so, it is drinks at the most. The only time I think it is acceptable is say, cheap takeout pizza and beers - not very date-like and is harmless. Hanging out outside of hooking up is a bit iffy. It's not bad to become friendly with them but at the same time that friendship trust is a dangerous thing to develop with the other person because feelings could develop.

I also don't talk on the phone or talk at length via text. I keep a lot of things to myself because he is NOT a boyfriend and therefore I won't confide in him. I keep details about myself to a minimum. Basically, my time with him is light and fun- he knows the basics about me and I know the basics about him. It isn't the time to talk about fears and insecurities.

that don't immediately lead to a 'goal.'"
7. There is an old saying that goes “don't put all your eggs in one basket.” This is something I think is true in open relationships. The moment you put EVERYTHING into one person you will fall for them. Once you have one option, be on the prowl for another even if you don't actually get involved with them. Flirt, talk, get numbers, etc.It helps you remind yourself that there are more options that just this one guy.

8. Realize that these things aren't built to last. They tend to last a few months and that is perfectly fine. If you don't expect a whole lot out of the situation then you wont be disappointed.

Golden Rules


1. Safe sex is a must- condoms and birth control are absolutely necessary if you are going to be sexually involved. No unwanted STDs and no unwanted pregnancies.

2. If at any point you feel unsafe, get out of there and don't become involved with someone who you feel could hurt you.

3. Let your friends know where you are so you have an out.

4. Never leave the bar with a guy and don't let him lead you out of the bar away from your friends and certainly do not take him back to your car or his car. In the event that you meet someone at a bar and either of you has been drinking, get their number and wait until you have sobered up, meet with him sober and then make a decision.

5. If you feel yourself starting to fall for the other person then do yourself a favor and get out of it now.

Monday, April 02, 2012

YES!! i'm done with econs!!!!! Thank you Mr Morgan, I shall see u @ Katong instead of class!!!! Biz stats, u r the next & last to get rid, and i'll be done!!

Another piece of awesome news...Bro is back!!!!! after 3 months of exchange, he's finally back!! And i've got someone to share the 'vocals' from our big boss enviromental ofcr of the house... & drinking kaki wahahhaha!!!

Apr will be a super bz month for me,... bdays!!!! After 8 years of friendship, i'm finally celebrating bday for & with Lim Jia. Hahas.. felt bad for postponing & rejecting his invitations for god knows how many years, but for this year, we're celebrating our bdays together!! able to catch up w yao hong after so long too!!! Really looking forward to it.. ^_^