Friday, April 13, 2012
Thursday, April 12, 2012
How to be in an open relationship
Written by: madmisskelly
The last thing this is is a lesson in promiscuity.
I am in no way convincing anyone to do this.
What this IS is a guide for those who are considering this. This is a guide so that YOU can maintain control and come out of these situations with your dignity and ego.
First of all, don't believe the “women are too emotional” stuff - not true. Women are perfectly capable of keeping a rational mind even in these situations and I will show you how.
None of this involves any game playing. There is no lying or deception. Contrary to popular belief, these situations need a bit of control for them to work for BOTH people and for NEITHER person to get hurt.
1. Decide if this is really what you want. If you can never see yourself having one night stands or open relationships then this isn't for you or you may just not be ready for one and that is just fine.
2. Decide what you want. These situations are ideal when you plan to move within the year, you just got out of a relationship or you just want to play the field.
3. Decide from this point on that you won't take anything that happens personally. You don't take rejection to heart because you yourself will do quite a lot of rejecting.
4. Be prepared that you are going to have to view the opposite sex in a new light. Don't dehumanize them, because they still have feelings and emotions just like you. The key is to NOT be mean but to be blunt and view each guy as a goal.
1. Options are everywhere, not just bars. Think someone is cute? Talk to them, chat them up and get their number. You have NOTHING to lose because if they reject you, no problem - you've got options.
2. When you find a guy chat him up - light hearted stuff, things that you would talk to your classmate about- hence no “where do you see yourself in 5 years” type of questions.
3. It is best to not enter into these situations with guys that you would otherwise be in a relationship with because more than likely, you will fall for them. Ideal guys are ones that are almost right for you but there are just reasons why it could never work.
4. Once you've talked to the guy for a couple days one of two things will happen. The conversation of where you see the situation going will come up or it won't. If it does, that is when you be honest and say you don't want commitment. If it doesn't come up, bring it up in a non confrontational way. When you two are hanging out, just tell him “hey, just so you know, I'm not looking for anything serious but I really enjoy your company.” It gets the point across, you've been honest, and it keeps it light hearted which is what you want.
5. Have deal breakers. Just because you aren't looking to commit doesn't mean you have to be treated like crap. If you don't want to be called at midnight, say so. If you want him to plan ahead on when you two get together it is fair to ask. Its not necessary to have a conversation about your deal breakers but if you don't like what he is doing then say something.
6. I've found that having boundaries is helpful in keeping the situation in perspective. Personally, I advise against dates that don't immediately lead to a “goal.” Even so, it is drinks at the most. The only time I think it is acceptable is say, cheap takeout pizza and beers - not very date-like and is harmless. Hanging out outside of hooking up is a bit iffy. It's not bad to become friendly with them but at the same time that friendship trust is a dangerous thing to develop with the other person because feelings could develop.
I also don't talk on the phone or talk at length via text. I keep a lot of things to myself because he is NOT a boyfriend and therefore I won't confide in him. I keep details about myself to a minimum. Basically, my time with him is light and fun- he knows the basics about me and I know the basics about him. It isn't the time to talk about fears and insecurities.
that don't immediately lead to a 'goal.'"
7. There is an old saying that goes “don't put all your eggs in one basket.” This is something I think is true in open relationships. The moment you put EVERYTHING into one person you will fall for them. Once you have one option, be on the prowl for another even if you don't actually get involved with them. Flirt, talk, get numbers, etc.It helps you remind yourself that there are more options that just this one guy.
8. Realize that these things aren't built to last. They tend to last a few months and that is perfectly fine. If you don't expect a whole lot out of the situation then you wont be disappointed.
1. Safe sex is a must- condoms and birth control are absolutely necessary if you are going to be sexually involved. No unwanted STDs and no unwanted pregnancies.
2. If at any point you feel unsafe, get out of there and don't become involved with someone who you feel could hurt you.
3. Let your friends know where you are so you have an out.
4. Never leave the bar with a guy and don't let him lead you out of the bar away from your friends and certainly do not take him back to your car or his car. In the event that you meet someone at a bar and either of you has been drinking, get their number and wait until you have sobered up, meet with him sober and then make a decision.
5. If you feel yourself starting to fall for the other person then do yourself a favor and get out of it now.
The last thing this is is a lesson in promiscuity.
I am in no way convincing anyone to do this.
What this IS is a guide for those who are considering this. This is a guide so that YOU can maintain control and come out of these situations with your dignity and ego.
First of all, don't believe the “women are too emotional” stuff - not true. Women are perfectly capable of keeping a rational mind even in these situations and I will show you how.
None of this involves any game playing. There is no lying or deception. Contrary to popular belief, these situations need a bit of control for them to work for BOTH people and for NEITHER person to get hurt.
Phase 1: Prepare
1. Decide if this is really what you want. If you can never see yourself having one night stands or open relationships then this isn't for you or you may just not be ready for one and that is just fine.
2. Decide what you want. These situations are ideal when you plan to move within the year, you just got out of a relationship or you just want to play the field.
3. Decide from this point on that you won't take anything that happens personally. You don't take rejection to heart because you yourself will do quite a lot of rejecting.
4. Be prepared that you are going to have to view the opposite sex in a new light. Don't dehumanize them, because they still have feelings and emotions just like you. The key is to NOT be mean but to be blunt and view each guy as a goal.
Phase 2: Seek
1. Options are everywhere, not just bars. Think someone is cute? Talk to them, chat them up and get their number. You have NOTHING to lose because if they reject you, no problem - you've got options.
2. When you find a guy chat him up - light hearted stuff, things that you would talk to your classmate about- hence no “where do you see yourself in 5 years” type of questions.
3. It is best to not enter into these situations with guys that you would otherwise be in a relationship with because more than likely, you will fall for them. Ideal guys are ones that are almost right for you but there are just reasons why it could never work.
4. Once you've talked to the guy for a couple days one of two things will happen. The conversation of where you see the situation going will come up or it won't. If it does, that is when you be honest and say you don't want commitment. If it doesn't come up, bring it up in a non confrontational way. When you two are hanging out, just tell him “hey, just so you know, I'm not looking for anything serious but I really enjoy your company.” It gets the point across, you've been honest, and it keeps it light hearted which is what you want.
5. Have deal breakers. Just because you aren't looking to commit doesn't mean you have to be treated like crap. If you don't want to be called at midnight, say so. If you want him to plan ahead on when you two get together it is fair to ask. Its not necessary to have a conversation about your deal breakers but if you don't like what he is doing then say something.
6. I've found that having boundaries is helpful in keeping the situation in perspective. Personally, I advise against dates that don't immediately lead to a “goal.” Even so, it is drinks at the most. The only time I think it is acceptable is say, cheap takeout pizza and beers - not very date-like and is harmless. Hanging out outside of hooking up is a bit iffy. It's not bad to become friendly with them but at the same time that friendship trust is a dangerous thing to develop with the other person because feelings could develop.
I also don't talk on the phone or talk at length via text. I keep a lot of things to myself because he is NOT a boyfriend and therefore I won't confide in him. I keep details about myself to a minimum. Basically, my time with him is light and fun- he knows the basics about me and I know the basics about him. It isn't the time to talk about fears and insecurities.
that don't immediately lead to a 'goal.'"
7. There is an old saying that goes “don't put all your eggs in one basket.” This is something I think is true in open relationships. The moment you put EVERYTHING into one person you will fall for them. Once you have one option, be on the prowl for another even if you don't actually get involved with them. Flirt, talk, get numbers, etc.It helps you remind yourself that there are more options that just this one guy.
8. Realize that these things aren't built to last. They tend to last a few months and that is perfectly fine. If you don't expect a whole lot out of the situation then you wont be disappointed.
Golden Rules
1. Safe sex is a must- condoms and birth control are absolutely necessary if you are going to be sexually involved. No unwanted STDs and no unwanted pregnancies.
2. If at any point you feel unsafe, get out of there and don't become involved with someone who you feel could hurt you.
3. Let your friends know where you are so you have an out.
4. Never leave the bar with a guy and don't let him lead you out of the bar away from your friends and certainly do not take him back to your car or his car. In the event that you meet someone at a bar and either of you has been drinking, get their number and wait until you have sobered up, meet with him sober and then make a decision.
5. If you feel yourself starting to fall for the other person then do yourself a favor and get out of it now.
Monday, April 02, 2012
YES!! i'm done with econs!!!!! Thank you Mr Morgan, I shall see u @ Katong instead of class!!!! Biz stats, u r the next & last to get rid, and i'll be done!!
Another piece of awesome news...Bro is back!!!!! after 3 months of exchange, he's finally back!! And i've got someone to share the 'vocals' from our big boss enviromental ofcr of the house... & drinking kaki wahahhaha!!!
Apr will be a super bz month for me,... bdays!!!! After 8 years of friendship, i'm finally celebrating bday for & with Lim Jia. Hahas.. felt bad for postponing & rejecting his invitations for god knows how many years, but for this year, we're celebrating our bdays together!! able to catch up w yao hong after so long too!!! Really looking forward to it.. ^_^
Another piece of awesome news...Bro is back!!!!! after 3 months of exchange, he's finally back!! And i've got someone to share the 'vocals' from our big boss enviromental ofcr of the house... & drinking kaki wahahhaha!!!
Apr will be a super bz month for me,... bdays!!!! After 8 years of friendship, i'm finally celebrating bday for & with Lim Jia. Hahas.. felt bad for postponing & rejecting his invitations for god knows how many years, but for this year, we're celebrating our bdays together!! able to catch up w yao hong after so long too!!! Really looking forward to it.. ^_^
Monday, March 26, 2012
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Ana Dana / I'm Dana
Clarice was telling me I could pull off this song cause it's hiao... found the MV, really hiao!!! lyrics translated to English as follows... thanks babe, i'm totally hooked to this rhythm :PP
Shh Shh Shh look at me look
I'm Dana im dan dan
open your eyes and you eat Turkish delight
you'll see my dance and my coquetry and you'll be my precious all my love and hope and I'll spoil you
I'll dance for you this belly dance there is no better from my country we'll eat and drink and move sensously
Shh Shh Shh look at me look
Shh Shh Shh look at me look
and I'll tell you and you'll tell me I'll sing for you listen to me
you'll see my dance and my coquetry and you'll be my precious all my love and hope
I'll spoil you
No no no I'll dance to a table and tambourine
No no no I'll dance to a table and tambourine
Yes yes yes when I'm with him
Yes yes yes when I'm with him
I'm looking at him and his looking at me
I whispering to him whispering to me
He'll see my dance and my coquetry and he will be precious all my love and and hope and I'll spoil him
I'll belly dance for him this belly dance there is no better from my country we'll eat and drink and oh, move sensuously
Shh Shh Shh look at me look
why don't you look
Shh Shh Shh look at me look
why don't you look
Shh Shh Shh look at me look
come on Shh Shh Shh look at me look
Shh Shh Shh look at me look
i'm dana i'm dan dan
Home from work... have been burning wee morning oil these weeks for works in MINDEF. Freaking no life & turning into a panda. All these will be OVER once works are completed from MINDEF premises.... let's go ahead with the omission oh YES!!!! *daydream* THANK GOD mom has been cooking barley/herbal tea on weekends, chicken soup on every sun, & not to forget facial mask on Suns as well. Am now waiting for my masks of My Beauty Diary from Sunnanz... Wahahaha!! 250 pcs!!! & i'm gonna use it more than once a week... *evil laughter*
The weather is so unpredictable these days that it's been raining in the am for past few days, i can't even swim in the morning. And to make the matter worse, i've freaking no idea where's my Nokia 101... meaning i lost it... when it's only prolly 2 weeks with me. I've searched high & low for it the entire morning & yesterday but in vain... guess i dropped in e cab otw back.
Quote of today: Marriage is a cert that costs few tens of dollars to purchase, and thousands of bucks to burn it.
The weather is so unpredictable these days that it's been raining in the am for past few days, i can't even swim in the morning. And to make the matter worse, i've freaking no idea where's my Nokia 101... meaning i lost it... when it's only prolly 2 weeks with me. I've searched high & low for it the entire morning & yesterday but in vain... guess i dropped in e cab otw back.
Quote of today: Marriage is a cert that costs few tens of dollars to purchase, and thousands of bucks to burn it.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
After what, 3 months? I've finally updated photos from BDD hafla up in FB.... sorry Faridah for the uber loooonnnngggg wait!!! :X
I'm so tired these days... lacking of sleep, severe case. Working days & nights for the entire week for MINDEF & JCP... gawd, i'm feeling old... Thak god we had IE eng to send us back, if not i'm really 1/2 dead... & due to a uberly packed week, i can only meet Micky on Mon to collect the photos from the shooting. Thanks babe, for safekeeping it with u for weeks!!! xoxo~
Time is ticking away, waiting for my life to return...
I'm so tired these days... lacking of sleep, severe case. Working days & nights for the entire week for MINDEF & JCP... gawd, i'm feeling old... Thak god we had IE eng to send us back, if not i'm really 1/2 dead... & due to a uberly packed week, i can only meet Micky on Mon to collect the photos from the shooting. Thanks babe, for safekeeping it with u for weeks!!! xoxo~
Time is ticking away, waiting for my life to return...
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
1 down, 1 to go...
Exam for econ's over, biz stats class starting next week, last mod, truely hope so... :X
Having a hoarse voice is even worse than having flu... i can't talk!! Freaking hell... i need to talk!! I have to talk due to my job... seriously, "don't talk so much" and "talk when necessary"??? i'm supposed to be talking 24/7 and it's all necessary stuff.
Having a hoarse voice is even worse than having flu... i can't talk!! Freaking hell... i need to talk!! I have to talk due to my job... seriously, "don't talk so much" and "talk when necessary"??? i'm supposed to be talking 24/7 and it's all necessary stuff.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
A男友跟B男友的分别 ：
【 A 】
她：「老公。帮我接杯水呗。」
他：「石头剪子布。谁输了谁去。」
她：「算了.. 我自己去吧..」
【 B 】
他们坐在一起看韩剧。她起身。
他：「干吗去？」
她：「去接杯水。」
他：「你坐这看吧。我去给你接。」
女人要求不高，她对男人唯一的要求就是「疼她」，
你可以什么都没有，只要你疼她，她就有足够的勇气把自己的下半辈
【 A 】
他晚上下班。给她打电话，
他：「宝贝儿。我晚上和朋友出去吃饭。」
她：「你不是答应我陪我逛街的吗？」
他：「改天吧！」
她默默地流泪.. 为什么每次都是这样？
【 B 】
他下班的时候打电话给她:
他：「亲爱的，别人给我一张奥运会的票。巴西队啊！一会儿我去看
球了啊。」
她：「哦。这样啊，好吧。」
他：「怎么不高兴了？」
她：「你忘了，上周说好今天我朋友和她男朋友请我俩吃饭啊。」
他：「哎呀，对不起亲爱的.. 我忘记了.. 那我把票给别人吧，我陪你去吃饭。」
她：「不要了，吃饭可以改天，或者你先去看，我们等你。」
他：「那不行，答应你的事情必须得做到。再说你自己跟他俩在一起
像电灯泡似的，你肯定不舒服啊.. 」
她：「没事的..」
没等她说完，他很强势的告诉她，
他：「好了，听我的，你收拾一下，我一会儿去接你..」
其实女人不是不懂事，只是她需要碰上一个懂事的男人，
其实情侣之间是可以互相的..
【 A 】
他：「我晚上出去吃饭了啊。」
她：「几点回家？」
他：「九点之前肯定回家。」
九点半，
她：「你怎么还不回来啊？」
他：「十点，肯定回家。」
十一点，十二点，一点，两点..
后来，她不再打电话催他..
因为她知道，对于不守承诺的男人，一切「肯定」都是「未必」..
【 B 】
他：「我晚上出去吃饭。九点之前肯定结束。然后我俩去看电影。」
她：「你能那么快就结束吗？」
他：「放心吧。我答应你了就一定能！」
快到九点的时候。他：「收拾一下吧，我马上就到你家了！」
信任，
是在一件一件小事中建立起来的..
【 A 】
她生理期，身体不舒服。顶着疼痛洗衣服，收拾屋子。
他坐在电脑前面玩网络游戏..
她干完活，躺在床上，长出了一口气。
他看了她一眼：「宝贝儿，辛苦了！」
然后转过头，继续玩他的游戏..
【 B 】
她生理期，很难受，起身准备洗衣服。
他拽住她：「你去床上躺着，我来！」
她：「你会做家务吗？你自己洗过衣服吗？」
他：「不会做可以学着做啊，以后你身体不舒服的时候，我当然得独
女人需要的不只是甜言蜜语，哄她几句，她也许会给你一个微笑..
但是实实在在的呵护，她会对你一辈子的感恩，
并且会回报给你一个温暖的家..
【 A 】
她给他拿了一包榛子，然后她去洗衣服。
回来的时候，榛子已经被他吃得所剩无几。
【 B 】
她拿给他一包榛子，然后自己去收拾屋子。
回来的时候，她看见电脑前面放了一堆剥好的榛子仁。
女人很感性..
她炫耀你对她的体贴，就好像炫耀克拉钻一样。
这么廉价的买卖，用一点心思就能收获无比的财富..
【 A 】
他说：「你是最好的..」
她问：「我哪好？」
他：「学历高、能力强、长得漂亮、身材又好，对我又这么好..」
她笑了..
【 B 】
他：「你是我所遇到最好的女孩儿..」
她：「我哪好？」
他：「你对身边的每个人都很友善、很无私，对人对生活总是很感恩
她哭了..
一个人，是因为你对他好，所以觉得你好..
一个人，是因为懂得你的好，所以想要对你好..
幸福的爱人，
首先应该是 一对彼此欣赏的知己..
她：「老公。帮我接杯水呗。」
他：「石头剪子布。谁输了谁去。」
她：「算了.. 我自己去吧..」
【 B 】
他们坐在一起看韩剧。她起身。
他：「干吗去？」
她：「去接杯水。」
他：「你坐这看吧。我去给你接。」
女人要求不高，她对男人唯一的要求就是「疼她」，
你可以什么都没有，只要你疼她，她就有足够的勇气把自己的下半辈
【 A 】
他晚上下班。给她打电话，
他：「宝贝儿。我晚上和朋友出去吃饭。」
她：「你不是答应我陪我逛街的吗？」
他：「改天吧！」
她默默地流泪.. 为什么每次都是这样？
【 B 】
他下班的时候打电话给她:
他：「亲爱的，别人给我一张奥运会的票。巴西队啊！一会儿我去看
球了啊。」
她：「哦。这样啊，好吧。」
他：「怎么不高兴了？」
她：「你忘了，上周说好今天我朋友和她男朋友请我俩吃饭啊。」
他：「哎呀，对不起亲爱的.. 我忘记了.. 那我把票给别人吧，我陪你去吃饭。」
她：「不要了，吃饭可以改天，或者你先去看，我们等你。」
他：「那不行，答应你的事情必须得做到。再说你自己跟他俩在一起
像电灯泡似的，你肯定不舒服啊.. 」
她：「没事的..」
没等她说完，他很强势的告诉她，
他：「好了，听我的，你收拾一下，我一会儿去接你..」
其实女人不是不懂事，只是她需要碰上一个懂事的男人，
其实情侣之间是可以互相的..
【 A 】
他：「我晚上出去吃饭了啊。」
她：「几点回家？」
他：「九点之前肯定回家。」
九点半，
她：「你怎么还不回来啊？」
他：「十点，肯定回家。」
十一点，十二点，一点，两点..
后来，她不再打电话催他..
因为她知道，对于不守承诺的男人，一切「肯定」都是「未必」..
【 B 】
他：「我晚上出去吃饭。九点之前肯定结束。然后我俩去看电影。」
她：「你能那么快就结束吗？」
他：「放心吧。我答应你了就一定能！」
快到九点的时候。他：「收拾一下吧，我马上就到你家了！」
信任，
是在一件一件小事中建立起来的..
【 A 】
她生理期，身体不舒服。顶着疼痛洗衣服，收拾屋子。
他坐在电脑前面玩网络游戏..
她干完活，躺在床上，长出了一口气。
他看了她一眼：「宝贝儿，辛苦了！」
然后转过头，继续玩他的游戏..
【 B 】
她生理期，很难受，起身准备洗衣服。
他拽住她：「你去床上躺着，我来！」
她：「你会做家务吗？你自己洗过衣服吗？」
他：「不会做可以学着做啊，以后你身体不舒服的时候，我当然得独
女人需要的不只是甜言蜜语，哄她几句，她也许会给你一个微笑..
但是实实在在的呵护，她会对你一辈子的感恩，
并且会回报给你一个温暖的家..
【 A 】
她给他拿了一包榛子，然后她去洗衣服。
回来的时候，榛子已经被他吃得所剩无几。
【 B 】
她拿给他一包榛子，然后自己去收拾屋子。
回来的时候，她看见电脑前面放了一堆剥好的榛子仁。
女人很感性..
她炫耀你对她的体贴，就好像炫耀克拉钻一样。
这么廉价的买卖，用一点心思就能收获无比的财富..
【 A 】
他说：「你是最好的..」
她问：「我哪好？」
他：「学历高、能力强、长得漂亮、身材又好，对我又这么好..」
她笑了..
【 B 】
他：「你是我所遇到最好的女孩儿..」
她：「我哪好？」
他：「你对身边的每个人都很友善、很无私，对人对生活总是很感恩
她哭了..
一个人，是因为你对他好，所以觉得你好..
一个人，是因为懂得你的好，所以想要对你好..
幸福的爱人，
首先应该是 一对彼此欣赏的知己..
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
琴姐，我在一个偶然的机会读了您的故事，没想到会以如此爆炸性的速度传播在网络间。虽然是您的选择，不过真是太不值得了。我的遭遇和您的相似，可我选择了与您不同的道路，我是不会放弃的。反而，我会活下去，而且会比现在活的更多彩多姿。
朋友问我是否能给于多一次机会，是否能如此绝情，如何下定决心倘然地面对放手。当你已不再相信，彻底绝望时，就会清楚肯定地做出决定。
说实在的，人会犯错。犯错的，给于机会。有些人却会把他所得到的一次又一次的机会，把周围的人事物当成理所当然。对于这一般的人，无论给于多少机会和时间，都是不够的。他们会对之前所做的事许下不会犯同样的错。可往往在这一般里的某些人，会把给于的承诺当做无关紧要的话，不会去理会。每当失言，又在一次认错与给了不会遵守的承诺。倘若不能遵守，为何还要答应呢？
一次一次的失言，让人难以再相信伱的解说。毕竟，发生的不再是一两会儿的事。婚前时，拆穿了也容忍了，承诺你也给了。我们相处了六年之久，可你所谓的承诺不足以让你在婚后靠岸，反而选择了留在海洋中漂流。漂着漂着，找着了别的港口靠了上去。也就把说过答应过的的全给忘了。
可惜我这儿的岸在也不会让你停靠，一秒也不会。因为你再也不值得拥有。
朋友问我是否能给于多一次机会，是否能如此绝情，如何下定决心倘然地面对放手。当你已不再相信，彻底绝望时，就会清楚肯定地做出决定。
说实在的，人会犯错。犯错的，给于机会。有些人却会把他所得到的一次又一次的机会，把周围的人事物当成理所当然。对于这一般的人，无论给于多少机会和时间，都是不够的。他们会对之前所做的事许下不会犯同样的错。可往往在这一般里的某些人，会把给于的承诺当做无关紧要的话，不会去理会。每当失言，又在一次认错与给了不会遵守的承诺。倘若不能遵守，为何还要答应呢？
一次一次的失言，让人难以再相信伱的解说。毕竟，发生的不再是一两会儿的事。婚前时，拆穿了也容忍了，承诺你也给了。我们相处了六年之久，可你所谓的承诺不足以让你在婚后靠岸，反而选择了留在海洋中漂流。漂着漂着，找着了别的港口靠了上去。也就把说过答应过的的全给忘了。
可惜我这儿的岸在也不会让你停靠，一秒也不会。因为你再也不值得拥有。
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